If iCould
by Subject87
Summary: Conclusion to the story started in Solitude and iThink of Carly, Carly comes back to Seattle after Freddie's death and wishes she could have just done more. Sorry for the terrible summary, please read and review!


"I'm about to do a bad thing Sam... a very bad thing." Came the voice of Freddie Benson whom I hadn't seen in over five years.

"Don't do it Freddie." I pleaded, I know I'm not the smartest person in the world but the way he'd been acting before he'd disappeared made my mind wander. "She needs you." I tried, a desperate gamble but I was feeling desperate.

"I'm sorry." he said, "I'm so sorry.." I could hear him crying, almost sobbing, and it made me cry a little.

"D-don't.." I said but I was to late, the phone had went dead. "Damn it.." I muttered.

"What's wrong?" My velvet haired roommate asked.

"Nothing.." I muttered and slid my phone back into my pocket. "I have to go to Seattle." I told her before collapsing on the couch, my will to do anything seeming to have left me. I turned my attention to my roommate, Cat Valentine, and frowned, "What would you do if you thought a friend was in trouble?" I asked. I knew it wouldn't do me much good, Cat was far to naive to help me with my problem.

"Um, I'd help them." She said, "Duh."

I rolled my eyes but she had a point, I needed to go to Seattle now.

* * *

The trip to Seattle had been easy, I'd just told Cat I needed to go back and check on a friend, then I'd hopped on the motorcycle Spencer and I had fixed up (and I'd keep running) and rode to Seattle. My first, and only, stop was to Bushwell Plaza. The moment I stepped in I was assaulted by memories of the past, of iCarly... Of when things had been perfect.

"_Give it back Sam!" A younger Freddie Benson whined after I'd snatched his backpack. _

"_Make me nub." I taunted, using his backpack like club and swinging it back and forth against the school walls._

"_Sam."Carly scolded as she came down the school's stairs, dressed in one of her favorite black t-shirts with pink lines on the sleeves and blue jeans. "Give him back his packpack."_

"_Fine." I grumbled and tossed the pack at Freddie. _

Okay so maybe not perfect, and how did I remember what Carly was wearing but not what Freddie or I were wearing? I let my thoughts die down and I headed up the familiar steps to the Shay apartment. The first thing I noticed when I got to the 8th floor is the police tape around the door to the old Benson apartment which had yet to be rented out.

My body went slowly went numb with each step, I'd just talked to him about two days ago, why didn't I get here faster? _Damn it_ I thought as a police officer stopped me.

"I'm sorry Miss, no one's allowed in."

"Please, what happened?" I asked the officer desperately. Then it dawned on me, it was Officer Carl from the Pee on Carl incident, "Please Officer Carl." I begged, I need to know."

"Well, looks like we got a suicide." He told me, "No note, just a boy your age and a gun." He said, "Looks like he stuck the gun in his mouth and well.."

I nodded, my knees felt like jelly, "I-I think it's Freddie Benson.." I said weakly.

Just then another officer came over and whispered something in Carl's ear, "You're right." He said sadly "We just got a positive finger print ID, it's Fredward Benson."

My knees gave out then and I let out a sob, _If I could have I would have saved you Freddie, I'm so sorry. _Now I had to do something else, something that would be equally hard...

I had to tell Carly.

* * *

[Carly]

"Carly?" My Dad's voice rang from downstairs.

"Yeah?" I asked, snapped out of my daydreaming, well night dreaming technically... It was late and I was getting sleepy.

"Phone call." He said, "It's Sam, and she sounds distressed."

"I'll be right there." I said anxiously, what on Earth would make Sam call me now? And what had her sounding so 'distressed' as my Dad said.

"C-cupcake." The familiar voice of my best friend said through the phone, but why was she crying?

"What happened Sam?" I asked, struggling to keep calm.

"It's Freddie." She began and I could tell it was taking everything she had not to burst into tears, "He's D-.." She stopped for a moment, "Dead.." She finally said.

That one word, that one last word crushed me. It felt like the entire weight of the world had landed on my shoulders and I was slowly losing the ground beneath me to it. "D-dead.." I repeated, "H-How.."

"Just come back to Seattle, we need you back in Seattle." Sam said, "Just for a little while."

"I'll get a plane first thing in the morning." I promised.

I arrived in Seattle exhausted, I hadn't slept at all last night (well last night for me) and I couldn't sleep on planes so I was pretty much dead on my feet. Luckily Sam met me at the airport with a Taxi and we headed back to Spencer's apartment. On the way I turned to her, a serious expression on my face, "What happened?" I demanded.

"He got bad after you left, I mean really bad.. I left about a week after you did but during that week I was still in Seattle he left his apartment maybe once, then the day before I left he disappeared- vanished, until three days ago."

I felt a pang in my heart, had he changed because I'd left? Because of me? I remember our kiss before I left, it haunted my dreams sometimes and I had always intended to come back but... Something always came up and I had to postpone coming back. "Three days ago?"

"He called me, crying.." Sam said, "Told me he was going to do a very bad thing and that he was sorry."

It didn't take a genius to figure out what he'd meant, "How bad?" I asked.

"What?"

"How bad, I mean... How did he?"

"Gun in his mouth."

"Oh god..."

The rest of the tip was in silence and when we got home I went straight up to my old room, which was the same as when I'd left it, and passed out on the bed, tears streaking my cheeks.

After I woke up I headed downstairs to see Sam and Spencer talking. My older brother hadn't changed much in the last five years, for which I was grateful for. "So when's the funeral?" I finally asked.

They both stood and faced me, somber looks on their faces "Tomorrow." Sam said, "His Aunt and her family will be coming down."

"Alright."

"Um, this came in the mail while you were sleeping." Spencer said.

"What time is it?" I asked groggily.

"It's like, 3 P.M"

"What is it?" I asked.

"We don't know, but it's from Freddie."

I walked over and took the package, practically ripping it open to find a disc with my name written in marker. I hurried to the DVD player and turned it on, put in the disc, and plopped down on the couch.

Freddie's face appeared on the TV, he looked.. tired. He had bags under his eyes and his hair was a mess. "Carly." He began, his voice sounding hoarse "I uh, just thought I should record this as I don't know when or if I'll ever see you again. One of my Mom's friends is a lawyer so I've set it up that if I ever should die, this will be sent to Spencer with instructions to send it to you." He paused to adjust the camera, "Anyway, I just.. You left a few days ago and we kissed."

I noticed out of the corner of my eye Sam looking at me in surprise. I shrugged and turned my attention back to the video.

"The kiss was amazing, and.. I haven't, and I never will, forget it. But you're gone now and while I miss you terribly but I need to move on. So I'm leaving Seattle." He said, "If I could, I would have gone with you but we each have our own paths to follow." He paused again to laugh, but it wasn't the same laugh I'd missed, this was hollow and fake "Cheesy right? Well anyway this is just... goodbye."

The video went black and I just sat there, staring at the blank screen. "I um.. Need to be alone now." I said numbly before trudging upstairs.

The clouds gathered together, turning gray, and I knew it would rain soon. I sighed and stepped out of the car. Sam and I wore similar black dresses, though mine was slightly darker, and Spencer wore the same suit he'd worn to Mom's funeral.

I looked up at the sky and smiled bitterly before walking over to the hole in the ground where Freddie would be laid to rest. My hands traced the casket, a natural wooden casket picked by his aunt, and felt tears forming in my eyes.

"If I could just see you." I whispered, "One more time... Everything would be alright."

I turned from the casket and smiled at Sam before hugging her, I'd said my goodbyes... Now I wanted to forget, forget that any of this had ever happened. "Goodbye." I whispered one more time, before heading back to the car and preparing to leave Seattle for the last time.

* * *

**Note**: So this concludes the story started in Solitude and iThink of Carly, So I hope you guys like it, please Read and review and I don't own iCarly!


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